Wednesday, 14 December 2011

I miss you, like everyday

Last night was a long night. I know I'm super excited to leave for New York tonight but there was a lot of other things on my mind that were keeping me from sleeping last night. Namely, regret. I've heard so many times that everything happens for a reason in our lives and we should have no regrets. But last night, laid alone in the darkness of my own bed, I was overwhelmed with regret. The realisation that I had ruined my chances at the one thing that made me most happy dawned on me. I've felt this before in the past three months, but never to the extent I did last night. I made things no easier for myself by letting myself be consumed by happy memories with him, and reminiscing the days where my life was blissful. People told me that maybe I just wasn't ready for a relationship and I managed to convince myself they were right. After all, I was having fun, I'd made new friends who took my mind of him. But last night I came to the clich├ęd conclusion that I would give it all up to have him back.

In the past, a long period of time without contact usually helped me to forget someone (or at least forget my feelings for someone) fairly easily. Not this time. I think now I'm back home where I'm alone with my thoughts a whole lot more hasn't helped in the slightest. I'm back home where I first met him. Being in my bedroom reminds me of spending hours on the phone to him. Walking down the road reminds me of being on the phone to him when I walked back from the taxi at a silly time of night, not wanting to go into my house but just wanting to carry on talking to him. Does this all sound pathetic? I don't know but it's the truth...

On a much lighter note, I'm heading to the airport in a few short hours to have the week of a lifetime in the Big Apple with my family. Where he will not cross my mind. See you guys in a week when I will return with lots of photos from my trip! Eek, I'm so excited! X

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight

Hello dears, hope you're well! So I returned home yesterday lunch time and already I'm feeling much healthier and refreshed. Immersing myself in the festive spirit has really lifted my mood and gotten me a whole lot more excited to visit New York. I still can't really believe I'll be there a week today! Today I had a beautiful lazy breakfast in bed and enjoyed being cosy whilst in poured with rain out. I then (eventually) got up and finished unpacking, which is always a chore! I then decorated the Christmas tree and put some of the remaining decorations up whilst watching Nigella Christmas, which always inspires me and gets me feeling super festive! I then decided to bare it and go for a walk after lunch considering the rain had stopped. It was still really windy but I enjoyed the fresh air, it cleared my head a little and made me feel better. I've now just had an early bath and am laid on the sofa watching yet more Christmas cooking programmes (my life is always exciting when I'm at home). Going to get an early night and catch up on the massive lack of sleep I've been coping with during my first term at university! Emily x

Friday, 2 December 2011

Things I've learnt at university

So first off, uni is not easy by any means. There is so much more you need to deal with that you never ever had to worry about at home. Never forget your family is always there for you no matter what and they will try and support you as best as they can in whatever situation. They love you, that's what they do. Making new friends is exciting and revitalises you, you learn new things from them and they find out things about you too. At university you can grow into the person you wanted to be, nobody judges you. You are your own person.

Next thing: if you don't wash up, you don't have clean plates. It's hard, but you get used to it. Tidying up and staying organised is also hard. But the most important thing is to try and stay healthy. Everyone drinks a lot, doesn't sleep enough and doesn't eat healthily. And that can't be helped in your first term. But every little helps, so just try and eat some fruit and veg, work out a little every now and then and stay positive.

I leave my halls next Wednesday and I'm so excited to return home for the Christmas holidays and spend time with my family. I can't wait to put the tree up and feel like a child once again! Catching up on sleep, staying in watching films and being cosy sounds like the perfect treat. But the biggest gift of all will be my trip to New York, only two weeks to go! I'm really going to miss my friends and my new independent way of life as a student, but I'm ready to go home and return to being a child, if only for a month. Happy December dears!

Monday, 14 November 2011

New York, New York

Just a short post to share with you my massive excitement at the fact I go to New York in just over a month. I'm going to write a detailed diary of my week there which I am equally excited about sharing with you! Being in New York the week before Christmas is going to turn me into an eager 8-year-old child once again. I know I haven't been writing all that much lately but I'm currently working on essay I need to do for university, but I just wanted to let you know how inspired I'm feeling about writing again. But yeah that will be all for now, I'll speak soon, hope you're well!

Friday, 4 November 2011

Haven for the weekend

I made a last minute decision to go home this weekend. To spend time with family, catch up on sleep, work and life other than the bubble that is university. I realised that I wasn't keeping in touch with daily life, I wasn't speaking to friends from home, I didn't know what was going on in the world. All I've known, and quite frankly, all I've selfishly cared about over the past seven weeks is university. My main priorities have been making friends and going out and having fun. And yesterday it suddenly hit me...I needed to ground myself again, I needed to break that cycle, because it's simply not possible to live your life like that.

Coming home helps me to find myself again. My mum always says 'you can't burn the candle at both ends' and now, I'm beginning to fully understand what she really means. People say that university is all about finding out who your true self is and starting your real life, but I think it's important to remember to hold on to parts of your life before university. Otherwise you're not really your true self, you're just a different person altogether. And I don't think that's right. To move away to university, and make new friends and see new places is a once in a lifetime experience, but without old friends and family to share that with it's not quite the same. The initial move to university is hard. Nobody knows you as well as your family. And to not have them there is lonely. So when you do become closer to new people, you shouldn't ever forget the others. 

Monday, 17 October 2011

U and I ended over U-N-I

Hello dears. So I'm finally settling into university after a whole month of being here. I know everyone finds it hard but I've had a really tough time. It was really the wrong time to start a relationship but when you're blinded by feeling so happy you just don't really care. I never thought I would be the girl to hurt him. Afterall, who would expect the shy, insecure (very drunk) girl to kiss another boy? And a result of that who would have thought I could hate myself so much? Never mind I won't bore you with the details, it's not like everyone hasn't heard this kind of story before.

Aside from that, this is me! I'll write more about university and friends and life and everything else in time. This is just an introduction, so yeah...hi hello hey.

Friday, 2 September 2011

Change is coming

This morning I got my nose pierced which I have wanted done for ages, but my best friend doesn't like it so I never bothered. But I had a sudden realization last week that I don't have to justify myself to her. I'm sick of her being the one that has the ultimate rule over my life. I move out of my house, out of my normal little life in two weeks time to go to university. And things need to change massively. So I'm starting by standing up for myself, this is my life. I need to start getting myself involved in things, doing things and just being, rather than constantly fearing other people's judgement of me and my actions.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

My walk through wonderland

Today has been quite a beautiful day. After completing my assignment early this morning, I decided to take a solitary walk after dinner, still full of that blissfully satisfied feeling you get from finishing something. So I set off, my battered and beloved Converse on my feet and my hair a disheveled mess. I walked the entire length of the old railway line, set at the bottom of the woods. Maybe it was just because the sun was shining, but to my eyes everything seemed so colourful and picturesque. As I walked along (or skipped when there was nobody around) I didn't know where to look first. There was an abundance of charming fuchsia flowers under canopy of trees and tall bushes that enclosed me. Not a thick, dense canopy that blocks out all sunlight, but just the occasional shading from the sun. Little birds were to-ing and fro-ing just ahead of me, playfully chasing each other. The occasional dog walker or cyclist passed me and we exchanged smiles, sharing the beauty of the surroundings for just a short moment. I gulped in lungfuls of the fresh warm air, filled with the scent of freshly cut grass. I listened to the ground crunch beneath my feet.

To the left of me I caught glimpses of vast, green fields, some filled with grazing sheep and horses, others without and left perfectly untouched. Trees and hills filled the background, creating such a delightful view it inspired me into taking an interest in photography. To me, this seemed like such a beautiful sight, I just wanted to capture it and hold on to it forever. To the right of me, through the occasional peep hole in the bushes, I glanced at the perfectly manicured gardens of a few charming cottages. I passed the back gardens of a quiet housing estate where one family were sat enjoying the late afternoon sunshine with a barbecue, the delicious smell wafted up to me on the walkway. Further along I heard childish laughter and I caught a glimpse of a mother playing frisbee with her two children and smiled to myself. Children always bring happiness.

As I neared the end of the old railway, I slowed my pace, not quite ready to face reality once again. I smiled to myself and embraced the final moment of peace and tranquility before turning the corner and heading across the busy road in the direction of my home. I had enjoyed my little escape and was thankful to be living.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

A day of indulgence

It's currently pouring with rain out and I'm home alone, so I'm sat curled up on the sofa listening to the melodic raindrops and eating copious amounts of dark chocolate. I feel comfortable and content. I'm rereading The Hobbit by  J. R. R. Tolkien and it feels so enchanting to get lost in another world of magic and adventure, my ideal place to be on a day like today. My strong feelings of desire and anger towards him seem to have subsided, just for a while, and in their place lies serenity and peace. Knowing my emotions and how they tend to seesaw from one extremity to the other, this may only last a short while so I'm embracing today wholeheartedly with a meaningful smile on my face. Writing comes easy on days like today.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Sincere apologies for neglecting you

Gosh, time really has flown since I last paid this blog any attention! I can't believe I lost interest so easily, before I even really got started here. Despite the fact I have an exam in the morning, I have been overcome by a sudden urge to write. Just to write about anything at all, with no real purpose or direction. But I guess that is the beauty of writing - it doesn't matter as long as you hold on to that feeling of serenity and creativity.
After such a spontaneous and torrential downpour earlier this evening, the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen appeared as the skies began to lighten and the moody grey clouds passed over. I could see one end out of my mum's bedroom window, and after I eagerly ran from her room to mine, I found that with a slight strain of my neck, I could see the other end of this rare spectacle from my own window. It was quite a peculiar rainbow, in that it had an extra band of purple underneath the usual array of colours. I found such beauty in this moment, in which both my mother and I momentarily paused, mesmerised by such a wondrous sight.

Saturday, 29 January 2011

Nice to meet you

Hello there beautiful new world. I'm just new to Blogspot and so this may look a little bit like an eyesore right now, but have faith in me! I've come from Tumblr, in search of something new. I still regularly update my Tumblr but I simply fancied trying something different alongside it. Click here to visit my Tumblr. This is just the beginning, so watch this space!