Wednesday, 14 December 2011

I miss you, like everyday

Last night was a long night. I know I'm super excited to leave for New York tonight but there was a lot of other things on my mind that were keeping me from sleeping last night. Namely, regret. I've heard so many times that everything happens for a reason in our lives and we should have no regrets. But last night, laid alone in the darkness of my own bed, I was overwhelmed with regret. The realisation that I had ruined my chances at the one thing that made me most happy dawned on me. I've felt this before in the past three months, but never to the extent I did last night. I made things no easier for myself by letting myself be consumed by happy memories with him, and reminiscing the days where my life was blissful. People told me that maybe I just wasn't ready for a relationship and I managed to convince myself they were right. After all, I was having fun, I'd made new friends who took my mind of him. But last night I came to the clich├ęd conclusion that I would give it all up to have him back.

In the past, a long period of time without contact usually helped me to forget someone (or at least forget my feelings for someone) fairly easily. Not this time. I think now I'm back home where I'm alone with my thoughts a whole lot more hasn't helped in the slightest. I'm back home where I first met him. Being in my bedroom reminds me of spending hours on the phone to him. Walking down the road reminds me of being on the phone to him when I walked back from the taxi at a silly time of night, not wanting to go into my house but just wanting to carry on talking to him. Does this all sound pathetic? I don't know but it's the truth...

On a much lighter note, I'm heading to the airport in a few short hours to have the week of a lifetime in the Big Apple with my family. Where he will not cross my mind. See you guys in a week when I will return with lots of photos from my trip! Eek, I'm so excited! X

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