Wednesday, 14 December 2011

I miss you, like everyday

Last night was a long night. I know I'm super excited to leave for New York tonight but there was a lot of other things on my mind that were keeping me from sleeping last night. Namely, regret. I've heard so many times that everything happens for a reason in our lives and we should have no regrets. But last night, laid alone in the darkness of my own bed, I was overwhelmed with regret. The realisation that I had ruined my chances at the one thing that made me most happy dawned on me. I've felt this before in the past three months, but never to the extent I did last night. I made things no easier for myself by letting myself be consumed by happy memories with him, and reminiscing the days where my life was blissful. People told me that maybe I just wasn't ready for a relationship and I managed to convince myself they were right. After all, I was having fun, I'd made new friends who took my mind of him. But last night I came to the clich├ęd conclusion that I would give it all up to have him back.

In the past, a long period of time without contact usually helped me to forget someone (or at least forget my feelings for someone) fairly easily. Not this time. I think now I'm back home where I'm alone with my thoughts a whole lot more hasn't helped in the slightest. I'm back home where I first met him. Being in my bedroom reminds me of spending hours on the phone to him. Walking down the road reminds me of being on the phone to him when I walked back from the taxi at a silly time of night, not wanting to go into my house but just wanting to carry on talking to him. Does this all sound pathetic? I don't know but it's the truth...

On a much lighter note, I'm heading to the airport in a few short hours to have the week of a lifetime in the Big Apple with my family. Where he will not cross my mind. See you guys in a week when I will return with lots of photos from my trip! Eek, I'm so excited! X

Thursday, 8 December 2011

Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight

Hello dears, hope you're well! So I returned home yesterday lunch time and already I'm feeling much healthier and refreshed. Immersing myself in the festive spirit has really lifted my mood and gotten me a whole lot more excited to visit New York. I still can't really believe I'll be there a week today! Today I had a beautiful lazy breakfast in bed and enjoyed being cosy whilst in poured with rain out. I then (eventually) got up and finished unpacking, which is always a chore! I then decorated the Christmas tree and put some of the remaining decorations up whilst watching Nigella Christmas, which always inspires me and gets me feeling super festive! I then decided to bare it and go for a walk after lunch considering the rain had stopped. It was still really windy but I enjoyed the fresh air, it cleared my head a little and made me feel better. I've now just had an early bath and am laid on the sofa watching yet more Christmas cooking programmes (my life is always exciting when I'm at home). Going to get an early night and catch up on the massive lack of sleep I've been coping with during my first term at university! Emily x

Friday, 2 December 2011

Things I've learnt at university

So first off, uni is not easy by any means. There is so much more you need to deal with that you never ever had to worry about at home. Never forget your family is always there for you no matter what and they will try and support you as best as they can in whatever situation. They love you, that's what they do. Making new friends is exciting and revitalises you, you learn new things from them and they find out things about you too. At university you can grow into the person you wanted to be, nobody judges you. You are your own person.

Next thing: if you don't wash up, you don't have clean plates. It's hard, but you get used to it. Tidying up and staying organised is also hard. But the most important thing is to try and stay healthy. Everyone drinks a lot, doesn't sleep enough and doesn't eat healthily. And that can't be helped in your first term. But every little helps, so just try and eat some fruit and veg, work out a little every now and then and stay positive.

I leave my halls next Wednesday and I'm so excited to return home for the Christmas holidays and spend time with my family. I can't wait to put the tree up and feel like a child once again! Catching up on sleep, staying in watching films and being cosy sounds like the perfect treat. But the biggest gift of all will be my trip to New York, only two weeks to go! I'm really going to miss my friends and my new independent way of life as a student, but I'm ready to go home and return to being a child, if only for a month. Happy December dears!