Saturday, 25 August 2012

We all learn from our mistakes

This time last year I had no clue what the following year would hold for me. My first year away from home, making new friends and taking a big leap closer to becoming an independent adult. I've made a lot of mistakes this year. Mistakes in relationships, friendships and above all, my chosen career path. It has been a tough year for me, right from the very beginning. By the start of October, I'd already made a mess of the first relationship I ever felt totally comfortable and happy in. And I couldn't properly forgive myself until months later. I also made a mess of what could have been a proper friendship with someone, instead of whatever you would call what we have now. I tried to change things on several occasion, trust me I have, but it hasn't made much difference. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail about this because that isn't what I want to focus on.

The biggest mistake I made this year was choosing the wrong course. I have spent the past year pretending to be interested in something my heart was never really in. In May this year I eventually admitted this to myself. And I cried. A lot. All I felt was disappointment in myself and I lost all my inspiration and motivation. I felt I had let my dad down as I knew he wanted me to do so well. I had done well throughout my academic life up until now. What happened?

After spending pretty much an entire week in a very low place I knew something had to change. Okay, I'd made the wrong decision. But it hadn't been a wasted year by any means. I'd made some incredible friends from all over the UK and shared some amazing memories with them. I'd learnt how to look after myself without that protective bubble I had become so happily wrapped in at home. So what did it matter if I changed courses? I'd be a year behind all my friends, is that really such a big problem? No.

And now, after many weeks of research and discussions with my close friends and family, I'm changing courses to something that I really WANT to do. Not something I THINK I should do. And I can not wait. I learnt from my mistake.

I now speak occasionally with the person I messed things up with last year. Time has healed as always, and we now make jokes like old friends. I have also recently met someone who makes me happy. It is very early days and I am not thinking of the future just yet, but baby steps are being made. And if it does come to that point, I now know what it is to truly be in a relationship. I learnt from that mistake too.

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