I never meant to do you wrong

So I'm almost settled back in to my little room at uni, with a bucket of tea (literally the biggest cup I've ever seen) and enjoying a relaxing moment to myself with nothing but Coldplay for company. It's so lovely to be back. I got back Sunday and barely even bothered to unpack, I just spent the day catching up with some of my amazing flatmates and neighbours. After long chats with everyone about Christmas, New Year, a lack of revision and an excess of eating, I managed to clear a space on my bed for me to collapse into and have my first night back at uni.
Today I had my first exam, it didn't go to badly (won't bore you with details), just another three to go now! I've got my room nicely back in order with cute additions such as pictures on my wall and another set of feathery fairy lights (super cute) so hopefully I will get some photos maybe tomorrow if it is bright enough! I was right about what I said in my last post, being back here I'm surrounded by other people who make me feel at ease. They are such wonderful distractions to being alone with your own mind for too long, and I couldn't be more grateful. I just got off the phone to my mum, I'm missing home a little today and trivial things that I take for granted there, but after speaking to her I know I will be fine once I get back in the swing of things here. Have any of you moved back to uni, how're you finding it again? Family and friends are only a phone call away, it's amazing how listening to somebody's voice can calm you instantly.

I gave you all

I return back to my halls tomorrow in Leeds which I'm very excited about. I'm really looking forward to seeing my new friends again, hearing about their holidays, and just catching up in general - accompanied by bucket loads of tea of course! I'm particularly excited to settle back into my little room. I've got lots of new additions to add to it thanks to some beautiful little trinkets I got for Christmas and other bits and bobs I collected during my week in the Big Apple. I know I have my own bedroom at home but their is something different about my own little space at uni, it somehow feels more personal and grown up! So hopefully I'll get a few photos of my cutesy room if I ever get some decent lighting!

There is always somebody around to chill out and have a chat with in my halls. I'm really hoping that helps me take my mind off all the things I seem to be dwelling on of late. Being at home has been so wonderful to see family and old friends but I have often found I have too much time alone to think about the past and mistakes I've made. So a little message to myself and to you: Life is a beautiful thing and to waste precious time getting upset over mistakes is a trivial thing to do. The learning process of realising you made a mistake helps you to make better decisions in the future. So don't worry about the past. Never worry. Emily xo

My goals for 2012

So, as promised from yesterday, (p.s thank you for your lovely comments considering I'm still finding my feet in the blogging world!) here is a list of my goals for 2012. I will cross things off as I do them and most probably add things throughout the year that I've currently forgotten about.

1. Blog more often, at the very least twice a week! (I've got a mind brimming with ideas, it's just my usual problem of putting them into action! Oh and the fact I don't have a decent camera...)
2. Read 25 new books (including The Hunger Games triology and The Lord of the Rings series)
3. Watch 25 new films (I'll document both films and books in either this post or a separate one)
4. Treat myself more often! I'm way too harsh on myself... (clothes, beauty products, magazines etc)
5. Make more time for my family and stay in touch with all my friends in general
6. Work out what I truly want out of my career (the fact I'm currently doing a degree in Biology, which my heart is most definitely not in proves a slight problem...more about my failures in another post)
7. Keep up to date with music and attend gigs/festivals, sometimes I forgot how much I adore it and how there is always something to compliment my mood
8. Expand my culinary repertoire, which is currently lacking incredibly
9. Keep experimenting with my style (and make more of an effort on a daily basis, lazy!)
10. Organise lots of things well in advance so I have things to look forward to!

I think that will be all for now, I can think of plenty more but I really don't want to overwhelm myself because that's always when I become disheartened and give up! (No.11 stop giving up so easily?!) What are some of your goals for 2012? Emily xo

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a wonderful new year and I hope that 2012 brings you all that you wish for! I'm currently writing this from the comfort of my own bed, accompanied by my first cup of tea of the day and the beautiful sounds of Bon Iver. It's really blustery and miserable out, so I took this opportunity to return back to the warmth of my duvet and write my first post of 2012. This year, with regards to resolutions, I have established a more 'baby steps' approach to changing my life. Usually I'm straight in there being Mrs Boot Camp with my life, involving strict detox regimes amongst other unachievable goals. I've started by setting up a personal diary in which I record the positive and negative things I do each day. For example 'positive things' are things like going to bed early, eating fairly healthily, doing some exercise. 'Negative things' are things such as eating chocolate, drinking alcohol and dwelling too much on the past (probably my biggest problem). And so day by day, I aim to make the good list by far outweigh the bad list. Just one step at a time. I still haven't properly thought about my other goals for 2012 (am I behind?) but once I have a more clear image of what I want to happen in the year ahead I will share everything with you. What are your resolutions for this year? x

I miss you, like everyday

Last night was a long night. I know I'm super excited to leave for New York tonight but there was a lot of other things on my mind that were keeping me from sleeping last night. Namely, regret. I've heard so many times that everything happens for a reason in our lives and we should have no regrets. But last night, laid alone in the darkness of my own bed, I was overwhelmed with regret. The realisation that I had ruined my chances at the one thing that made me most happy dawned on me. I've felt this before in the past three months, but never to the extent I did last night. I made things no easier for myself by letting myself be consumed by happy memories with him, and reminiscing the days where my life was blissful. People told me that maybe I just wasn't ready for a relationship and I managed to convince myself they were right. After all, I was having fun, I'd made new friends who took my mind of him. But last night I came to the clichéd conclusion that I would give it all up to have him back.

In the past, a long period of time without contact usually helped me to forget someone (or at least forget my feelings for someone) fairly easily. Not this time. I think now I'm back home where I'm alone with my thoughts a whole lot more hasn't helped in the slightest. I'm back home where I first met him. Being in my bedroom reminds me of spending hours on the phone to him. Walking down the road reminds me of being on the phone to him when I walked back from the taxi at a silly time of night, not wanting to go into my house but just wanting to carry on talking to him. Does this all sound pathetic? I don't know but it's the truth...

On a much lighter note, I'm heading to the airport in a few short hours to have the week of a lifetime in the Big Apple with my family. Where he will not cross my mind. See you guys in a week when I will return with lots of photos from my trip! Eek, I'm so excited! X

Kiss me, beneath the milky twilight

Hello dears, hope you're well! So I returned home yesterday lunch time and already I'm feeling much healthier and refreshed. Immersing myself in the festive spirit has really lifted my mood and gotten me a whole lot more excited to visit New York. I still can't really believe I'll be there a week today! Today I had a beautiful lazy breakfast in bed and enjoyed being cosy whilst in poured with rain out. I then (eventually) got up and finished unpacking, which is always a chore! I then decorated the Christmas tree and put some of the remaining decorations up whilst watching Nigella Christmas, which always inspires me and gets me feeling super festive! I then decided to bare it and go for a walk after lunch considering the rain had stopped. It was still really windy but I enjoyed the fresh air, it cleared my head a little and made me feel better. I've now just had an early bath and am laid on the sofa watching yet more Christmas cooking programmes (my life is always exciting when I'm at home). Going to get an early night and catch up on the massive lack of sleep I've been coping with during my first term at university! Emily x

Things I've learnt at university

So first off, uni is not easy by any means. There is so much more you need to deal with that you never ever had to worry about at home. Never forget your family is always there for you no matter what and they will try and support you as best as they can in whatever situation. They love you, that's what they do. Making new friends is exciting and revitalises you, you learn new things from them and they find out things about you too. At university you can grow into the person you wanted to be, nobody judges you. You are your own person.

Next thing: if you don't wash up, you don't have clean plates. It's hard, but you get used to it. Tidying up and staying organised is also hard. But the most important thing is to try and stay healthy. Everyone drinks a lot, doesn't sleep enough and doesn't eat healthily. And that can't be helped in your first term. But every little helps, so just try and eat some fruit and veg, work out a little every now and then and stay positive.

I leave my halls next Wednesday and I'm so excited to return home for the Christmas holidays and spend time with my family. I can't wait to put the tree up and feel like a child once again! Catching up on sleep, staying in watching films and being cosy sounds like the perfect treat. But the biggest gift of all will be my trip to New York, only two weeks to go! I'm really going to miss my friends and my new independent way of life as a student, but I'm ready to go home and return to being a child, if only for a month. Happy December dears!