2013, the year of me

Things are going to change in the new year. Things are already beginning to change. 2013 is going to be focusing on me. On what I want. On my work, my health and my happiness. Since started out at university I have noticed a rapid decrease in my health and fitness and I really need to change that. Being healthy is so important, and I have taken my health for granted over the past year and a half. And now I'm suffering, and regret it massively. I need to work for what I want. And work hard.

We all learn from our mistakes

This time last year I had no clue what the following year would hold for me. My first year away from home, making new friends and taking a big leap closer to becoming an independent adult. I've made a lot of mistakes this year. Mistakes in relationships, friendships and above all, my chosen career path. It has been a tough year for me, right from the very beginning. By the start of October, I'd already made a mess of the first relationship I ever felt totally comfortable and happy in. And I couldn't properly forgive myself until months later. I also made a mess of what could have been a proper friendship with someone, instead of whatever you would call what we have now. I tried to change things on several occasion, trust me I have, but it hasn't made much difference. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail about this because that isn't what I want to focus on.

The biggest mistake I made this year was choosing the wrong course. I have spent the past year pretending to be interested in something my heart was never really in. In May this year I eventually admitted this to myself. And I cried. A lot. All I felt was disappointment in myself and I lost all my inspiration and motivation. I felt I had let my dad down as I knew he wanted me to do so well. I had done well throughout my academic life up until now. What happened?

After spending pretty much an entire week in a very low place I knew something had to change. Okay, I'd made the wrong decision. But it hadn't been a wasted year by any means. I'd made some incredible friends from all over the UK and shared some amazing memories with them. I'd learnt how to look after myself without that protective bubble I had become so happily wrapped in at home. So what did it matter if I changed courses? I'd be a year behind all my friends, is that really such a big problem? No.

And now, after many weeks of research and discussions with my close friends and family, I'm changing courses to something that I really WANT to do. Not something I THINK I should do. And I can not wait. I learnt from my mistake.

I now speak occasionally with the person I messed things up with last year. Time has healed as always, and we now make jokes like old friends. I have also recently met someone who makes me happy. It is very early days and I am not thinking of the future just yet, but baby steps are being made. And if it does come to that point, I now know what it is to truly be in a relationship. I learnt from that mistake too.

End of an era

I can not believe that I've done it, I've finished my first year of university. And despite the struggles I've had through out the year, (and I know I'm not alone with this) I can honestly that it has been the best year of my life so far. I've learnt so many valuable life skills, met some amazing people, and had a whale of a time along the way. The entire year has flown by, and now I'm sad to be back home once again. It was hard saying goodbye to my amazing halls of residence that has been my home for the past year, despite the fact I will still see most of the people I have been living with (I hope!). My halls were not your generic high rise building looking all minimalistic and basic. I was lucky enough to be staying in, what can only be described as a old manor house. It was set into six flats, making up almost 50 students in total, along with a beautiful large common room which hosted many pre-drink parties as well as film nights and random games of procrastination during exam period. After making such great friends, I really really hope that as a house, we stay in touch. But now with a few months at home to hopefully try and get back into some sort of shape, all I can say is roll on second year!

Time for change - a note to myself

Let go. Truly let go. Breathe in, breathe out. Close that corner of your mind, lock it away forever. Don't deny it ever happened, because it did. And it was beautiful while it lasted. But it didn't. Acceptance of that. Acceptance. Move on. Remember him, but don't think about him. He's with somebody else now, what more closure do you need. Move on with your life. Discover new things. Look after yourself. You only get one life. Live for every moment. Be strong and take risks. Cherish everything. Make this the best summer of your life. Every day is a new day to new things. Make mistakes, don't worry. No regrets.

Spring in the air

I'm finally home for Easter and I can honestly say I was ready for the break. To be back home where I can take care of myself, spend time with family and collect my thoughts over where I want to go in the future is something I have ultimately needed over the past few weeks. As soon as I came back I was straight back at my old job to earn extra money over the holidays which I honestly don't mind, as I work with such lovely people. But today was my day off, a chance to indulge in a little time for myself, and I've loved every minute of it. I woke up early to beautiful blue skies and the sun shining and decide to get out for a lovely walk before starting my day. It was inspiring to get out and finally feel the sun on my face and start to see flowers blossoming and bugs and birds flying around going about their daily business. A little walk is always a great time for me to reflect on things, and think about things that are on my mind.

Once I got back I decided to take a trip to the library and find a new book to read whilst I'm at home, (despite the fact I've got plenty of Biology related books I should be reading and plenty of notes to be looking over for revision) so I was pretty much straight back out again to the calmness and serenity of the library. I came back with The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (please do not shun me away, disgusted by the fact I am only just getting around to reading this) and already I can barely put it down to write this blog post. So since I got back from the library, I've been sat outside welcoming this early and unexpected spring sunshine, book in one hand an iced glass of lemonade in the other.

Slightly unrelated, but I've also painted my nails this afternoon. I just bought a new colour from Superdrug the other day, it's called Orange Couture by Maybelline Forever Strong Pro. I can honestly say I love it! It's a very vibrant orange, almost verging on neon, and I think it adds a strong pop of colour to my otherwise very bland I'm-not-at-work-or-doing-anything-special-today outfit! I would take a photo to show you guys but my nails are a bit of an eyesore at the moment from handling so many boxes at work, but I'm giving them daily TLC so they should be looking fairly acceptable shortly!

Is anyone else welcoming the spring sunshine? Are any of you home for Easter yet? xoxo

I'm back, I promise

It's been over a month since I last posted on here, I'm sad that I've neglected it for so long! There has been many a time where I've come to sit and write, but nothing comes to me. Nada. Nothing interesting has happened lately, and nothing much has inspired me. I've been trying my hardest to juggle keeping on top of work at uni and looking after myself as best I can, and I've not really had anything to blog about. However, this past week I've had a breakthrough, ta daaaa! Maybe it's to do with the lighter nights that are becoming more noticeable each day, or maybe it's just a welcome change to my mood.

Earlier in the week I went out for lunch to a cute little café with my dad's girlfriend. Not for any particular reason, simply just a little treat. I think this is largely where I found my inspiration once again (in the form of beautiful food, what a surprise there) and from then on I've been itching to write a post about it. So anyway, we walked inside and were instantly greeted by friendly staff and a welcoming waft of coffee. The main focal wall of the café was a large brick wall adorned with many black and white photos of local landmarks, most of which I recognised with fond memories. We sat down and reached immediately for the extensive menu, and the dithering 'ooos' and 'ahhs' of what to choose began. Being a crazy bread lover, I order a ciabatta panini with bacon, brie and cranberry jam, served with a lovely little side salad, it was absolutely delicious! As we sat and laughed and drank tea from the tiniest cups, I could really feel the happiness washing over me. It's the little things that make such a big difference. What kind of little things make you happy? xoxo

What a wonderful week

I've had a lovely first week back at uni. I can't believe I'm actually saying that. Despite the majority of my lectures being casual introductions to my new topics of study, so far I'm finding everything quite interesting! Again, I've got the same story to be telling you, I've been taking care of myself and trying to get as much sleep as possible and it really has paid off. Our flat has stayed in all weekend (sounds boring) but we're all going out tonight (on a Sunday!) as it is 'Cops and Robbers Carnage' in Leeds which I'm really excited for. I'm going as a robber, I will hopefully post a photo of my outfit sometime next week!

So instead of going out this weekend, Friday night some of us from the house went down to the common room armed with endless cups of tea, cosy blankets and other bed attire to have a serious film fest. I love nights like this! Then Saturday, me and two of my flatmates went into the centre to get our outfits sorted for Carnage. We managed to run past Starbucks, (trying to save every last penny right now) get our outfits and then head straight back.

After dinner, having had such an enormous bag of carrots in the fridge for well over a week, I decided to make my very first batch of soup. I phoned my dad and asked for advice, looked up a few recipes online, got all my ingredients together and then got cracking. Soon I was feeling like a kitchen goddess as everything was going super smoothly...until it came to blending. I poured my first batch of soup into the blender...to find it splurging all out of the bottom, all over the worktop and all down the front of me. Two of my flatmates who were sat in the kitchen keeping me company burst into complete hysterics, and so did I. I quickly ran to the sink, blender in hand, sloshing hot carroty liquid everywhere in attempt to save some of my soup. After this fiasco, I cleaned everything up and went in for round two of blending with my now depleted stock of carrot soup. This went much better after having screwed the bottom of the blender on properly (ahem) and a smile crossed my face as I saw the sludgey liquid turn a beautiful golden orange colour. I had made my own soup, yay! And it actually tasted really good!

After such kitchen related dramas, I was ready to relax. So my flatmate and I decided to get on our pyjamas, make a big mug of hot chocolate, get into my bed and watch Dreamgirls. I had the most perfect night singing along to all the songs and taking part in a rather loud and extravagant rendition of 'Listen' by Beyonce...lovely! Hope you are all well and having a good weekend, what are you getting up to? Emily xoxo

Settled and serene

Firstly, I'd just like to let you know that after hours of trawling through dull websites, brochures and grotty excuses for houses we have finally found our house for next year! Already I'm feeling very excited and nervous about living in a proper house like a proper grown up. More about this at a later date!

So I've been back at uni now for over a week and I'm feeling a lot happier about being away from home. And I think the main reason for this is because I'm looking after myself. I've been to the gym, eating healthily and getting enough sleep. And before now, I never really understood how important it was to take care of yourself. It really reflects your mentality - I'm beginning to think more positively about everything in general. Nothing is impossible, not if you put your mind to it.

I'm excited to get my final exam out the way on Thursday and start a fresh term next week with different modules to study. I'm hoping it will bring me that little bit more inspiration I need to get 'back on top' and potentially decide if I'm actually doing the right course?! (I can always dream!). I've been feeling creative this past week which is another sign I'm feeling much happier. I really want to bake but we have no cake tins or trays in our flat, I may have to invest! I've also been reading ridiculous amounts of health, fashion and beauty blogs whilst drinking copious amounts of tea recently, which has left me feeling very lady-like and inspired. I just want a blog like that, I'm starting my camera fund immediately! Hope you are all well and a feeling a little refreshed like myself! Emily xoxo

I never meant to do you wrong

So I'm almost settled back in to my little room at uni, with a bucket of tea (literally the biggest cup I've ever seen) and enjoying a relaxing moment to myself with nothing but Coldplay for company. It's so lovely to be back. I got back Sunday and barely even bothered to unpack, I just spent the day catching up with some of my amazing flatmates and neighbours. After long chats with everyone about Christmas, New Year, a lack of revision and an excess of eating, I managed to clear a space on my bed for me to collapse into and have my first night back at uni.
Today I had my first exam, it didn't go to badly (won't bore you with details), just another three to go now! I've got my room nicely back in order with cute additions such as pictures on my wall and another set of feathery fairy lights (super cute) so hopefully I will get some photos maybe tomorrow if it is bright enough! I was right about what I said in my last post, being back here I'm surrounded by other people who make me feel at ease. They are such wonderful distractions to being alone with your own mind for too long, and I couldn't be more grateful. I just got off the phone to my mum, I'm missing home a little today and trivial things that I take for granted there, but after speaking to her I know I will be fine once I get back in the swing of things here. Have any of you moved back to uni, how're you finding it again? Family and friends are only a phone call away, it's amazing how listening to somebody's voice can calm you instantly.

I gave you all

I return back to my halls tomorrow in Leeds which I'm very excited about. I'm really looking forward to seeing my new friends again, hearing about their holidays, and just catching up in general - accompanied by bucket loads of tea of course! I'm particularly excited to settle back into my little room. I've got lots of new additions to add to it thanks to some beautiful little trinkets I got for Christmas and other bits and bobs I collected during my week in the Big Apple. I know I have my own bedroom at home but their is something different about my own little space at uni, it somehow feels more personal and grown up! So hopefully I'll get a few photos of my cutesy room if I ever get some decent lighting!

There is always somebody around to chill out and have a chat with in my halls. I'm really hoping that helps me take my mind off all the things I seem to be dwelling on of late. Being at home has been so wonderful to see family and old friends but I have often found I have too much time alone to think about the past and mistakes I've made. So a little message to myself and to you: Life is a beautiful thing and to waste precious time getting upset over mistakes is a trivial thing to do. The learning process of realising you made a mistake helps you to make better decisions in the future. So don't worry about the past. Never worry. Emily xo

My goals for 2012

So, as promised from yesterday, (p.s thank you for your lovely comments considering I'm still finding my feet in the blogging world!) here is a list of my goals for 2012. I will cross things off as I do them and most probably add things throughout the year that I've currently forgotten about.

1. Blog more often, at the very least twice a week! (I've got a mind brimming with ideas, it's just my usual problem of putting them into action! Oh and the fact I don't have a decent camera...)
2. Read 25 new books (including The Hunger Games triology and The Lord of the Rings series)
3. Watch 25 new films (I'll document both films and books in either this post or a separate one)
4. Treat myself more often! I'm way too harsh on myself... (clothes, beauty products, magazines etc)
5. Make more time for my family and stay in touch with all my friends in general
6. Work out what I truly want out of my career (the fact I'm currently doing a degree in Biology, which my heart is most definitely not in proves a slight problem...more about my failures in another post)
7. Keep up to date with music and attend gigs/festivals, sometimes I forgot how much I adore it and how there is always something to compliment my mood
8. Expand my culinary repertoire, which is currently lacking incredibly
9. Keep experimenting with my style (and make more of an effort on a daily basis, lazy!)
10. Organise lots of things well in advance so I have things to look forward to!

I think that will be all for now, I can think of plenty more but I really don't want to overwhelm myself because that's always when I become disheartened and give up! (No.11 stop giving up so easily?!) What are some of your goals for 2012? Emily xo

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a wonderful new year and I hope that 2012 brings you all that you wish for! I'm currently writing this from the comfort of my own bed, accompanied by my first cup of tea of the day and the beautiful sounds of Bon Iver. It's really blustery and miserable out, so I took this opportunity to return back to the warmth of my duvet and write my first post of 2012. This year, with regards to resolutions, I have established a more 'baby steps' approach to changing my life. Usually I'm straight in there being Mrs Boot Camp with my life, involving strict detox regimes amongst other unachievable goals. I've started by setting up a personal diary in which I record the positive and negative things I do each day. For example 'positive things' are things like going to bed early, eating fairly healthily, doing some exercise. 'Negative things' are things such as eating chocolate, drinking alcohol and dwelling too much on the past (probably my biggest problem). And so day by day, I aim to make the good list by far outweigh the bad list. Just one step at a time. I still haven't properly thought about my other goals for 2012 (am I behind?) but once I have a more clear image of what I want to happen in the year ahead I will share everything with you. What are your resolutions for this year? x